Boobies!!
This is very offensive, and politically incorrect, and lots of other things. I also found it funny.
Why Ask Ginger OR Mary Ann?
Why ask “Ginger OR Mary Ann?”, when the correct answer is “Ginger AND Mary Ann!”
The Fuhrer’s in a Furor over the D3x
I got this from the Strobist RSS feed from December 7th, but it doesn’t seem to actually be on his site anymore. Luckily, I can barely work my D80, so by the time I’m ready for a D3x, it’ll be about $649.00 at Black’s.
Internet Commenter Business Meeting
How true it is. (From CollegeHumor.com)
The Telephone Call
“Hi Honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But Honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Brief Pause.
“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do…
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door,
and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
“I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.
“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it….
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,
“Swimming pool?
… Is this 974-555-5731?”
Captain Jean Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise
I thought I would do my part to get this stuck in everyones’ head.
Understanding Engineers
My wife forwarded this to me. I’m glad to see she is starting to understand.
Understanding Engineers – Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.”
Understanding Engineers – Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers – Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, “What’s with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
He said, “Hello, George! what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers – Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers – Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool
Chum Fiction
From Jack, presented for your listening pleasure.
This is only the beginning. Prepare for XYVIIII!